Darn that pinkie

Just made a video about the C handshape that’s used in several sign languages, including ASL, ISL and LSF. I was reminded of something that I don’t always notice: my disability affects the clarity of some of my handshapes when I’m signing.

Sometimes the transitions are a little stiff. Sometimes my fingers don’t bend as they should, and they stick out in odd ways. There’s the occasional spasm that disrupts my signs. If it happens when I’m making a video, I always try to re-record it because I want to make the signs as precise as possible.

It can leave me feeling self-conscious or anxious about my ability to communicate. Of course, I can still talk with the same fluency as I always had… but I’m increasingly reliant on the other person signing or writing. The issue is that the people I know who can sign are generally Deaf themselves, so they need me to sign fluently. And I’m seeing these deficiencies in my signing.

However…

I don’t notice it when I’m signing, in conversation with someone, because it doesn’t matter. I’ve never had a Deaf person correct me because of a stiff transition or lack of precise bend to my fingers. I’ve never been asked to repeat a sign because it wasn’t the perfect shape. People whose first language is sign language can look past these mistakes the same way a native speaker of English can look past the errors of a non-native speaker.

To put it another way, my pinkie sticking up straight while I’m signing C is like dropping an article or using the gerund instead of the infinitive (When I was child, I used doing…).

I’ll probably never be able to overcome the impact of my disability enough to be an ISL teacher, but I can make it work for my video series about sign languages in general and I can definitely make myself understood.

I do have to remind myself of that though.

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